sentimental

We are still waiting on court stuff, but no matter, it will not affect Italy right now. Fortunately Italy got pushed back. Forest will be in California, then Virginia, and then.... Italy. He will find a place for us. It is hard to trust all that entails to him, with giving up all that we are. I think he can do it, and if it does not work, we will fix it and try again.

I'm starting to go through the grieving process, mourning the loss of friendships, and family.

I think that it is so easy to take for granted the convenience of neighbors, community, and all that comes with it. It is within arms reach, and you don't have to try to make it work. It is easy, easy to have and easy to discard, you move on to the next thing, and reintegrate.  It's all surface level.

Rinse. Wash. Repeat.

People promise to visit, or stay in touch, and perhaps they do for a time, but this too shall pass. More surface level promises, and well meaning wishes of hope and prosperity. These sentimental goings on pass between those within arms reach and perhaps a bit further. It's not cynical,  harsh, or bitter. It's honest. In so many ways when you leave, whether a community, a school, a town, or in our case the country, it is in essence a divorce. You might stay friends, or you say you will, and promise that no matter what....but they are just wishes you make in that moment. The moment will pass, and you will be filled with new hopes and wishes for your future, and me too. Life goes on.

It's not you it's me. See I am leaving the country and don't know what the plan is after that....

So I guess the good news is in the divorce, I get the dogs and my cat. Which is pretty sweet. Oh and I'm moving to Italy.

Thoughts of connectivity linger.

We Facebook each other, Blog, Email, cyber stalk people we think are interesting, funny, or whatever it is we find appealing in a person or subject. You "like" their photos or repin, and leave a typical comment, like "wow amazing", "have some fun for me","you look like you are having an great time", or any of the other stand-bys. Are we really connected? Does it mean anything to cultivate "Facebook" friendships from afar, or up close for that matter? If I disconnected, would I cease to exist?
Probably.

Online connectivity

A.K.A.

Flaccid
Racist
Inflamed
Butt-hole

These ritual comments and online obsessions are genuine. It's how we communicate now. All those well-wishes, and happy hopes are mostly heartfelt I think, but I am not looking forward to them, and all that it really means.

It means so long for now.

It means good bye.

Or worst, never again.

God, I can hear Lawrence Welk singing that farewell song in my head.

"Goodnight, goodnight, until we meet again

Adios, Au Revoir, Auf Wiedersehn 'til then

And though it's always sweet sorrow to part

You know you'll always remain in my heart

Goodnight, sleep tight, and pleasant dreams to you

Here's a wish and a prayer that every dream comes true

And now 'til we meet again

Adios, Au Revoir, Auf Wiedersehn"

I don't know what is more heartbreaking, that I can recall this song with such clarity, or that it comes to me in my sadness as a reference for my feelings, to offer such weak comfort.

Lawrence you are like a burlap pillow.

I don't want to say goodbye, or have any farewell nonsense for our family. Farewell parties are like funerals, the difference is, one is a goodbye promise you keep.

It's all rubbish.

I don't want the distance to separate me, or my family from those that we love. I want to hold on to you all, and keep you close. Somehow, I am sentimental about this. I am in nature, not in the least that kind of person. Though, leaving behind every shred of everything will do that to you, I suppose.

And I am thankful for those in my life.

I don't take it for granted, family, friendships, community, and everything in between. You are all wonderful, useful, interesting, kind and necessary. You are loved.

My wish is to stay connected to you. 

I am very much looking forward to seeing each, and every one again. I hope for it. And I will think of all of you, we all will. We'll be homesick sometimes, and wonder why we didn't leave sooner other times. It will all be fine, I know. We are rubber bands. We will rebound. We will return to our shape of ourselves.

We will look forward to you're "likes" and well wishes on Facebook and all our media we connect to (we really will), we'd love for "you" to visit, and we'll post copious amounts of pictures. And I guess if I can be selfish, you too can be rubber bands, so I can return to the lovely shape of you.

But most of all,

I won't say goodbye, and you shouldn't either.